What is Trauma?
/Michelle breaks down trauma. What is it? How does trauma affect us? Can we recover from it? Let’s start the conversation!
Trauma Memories
/“We remember trauma less in words and more with our feelings and our bodies.”
Trauma occurs when a person experiences an event or series of events that overwhelms the brain’s ability to cope. It can range from car accidents, unexpected death of a loved one, assault, witnessing violence, betrayal or any form of child abuse. The details vary but the trauma puts a person in a state of shock with adaptive responses that create rippling effects in the person’s life.
When a person experiences a trauma, the memory of the event is stored as thoughts, emotions, body feelings and spiritual impressions. Interestingly, over time, we may forget and confuse the order of events. This occurs because our brain reverts to survival mode at the moment of shock. The brain prioritizes essential activities for survival. In fact, brain imaging studies show increased activation in the survival portion of our brain and far less activity in the logical, sequencing portion during periods of stress and fear.
This means that a victim of an assault, for example, is likely to remember the way their body felt, visceral smells and sensations and the feelings of shock. They are unlikely to remember the sequence of events, shirt color of their attacker or the amount of time they waited before calling for help.
For many, this is confusing. Those that have not experienced sudden trauma cannot understand how a person could go through something so significant and forget key details. However, we can focus what the survivor does remember. A statistically insignificant portion of trauma survivors lie about their experience. They may simply be unable to report with clarity or consistency because of the state of shock their mind and body experienced during the event.
For children, this is particularly true. Children that have experienced significant abuse or trauma will often have very confused memories in part because they may not even have words what they have experienced. They also fear going back to those memories and feeling again the sensations and feelings they had at the time of trauma. Another common coping strategy for children is to block the memory of the event as an adaptive strategy. Many children find it easier to adapt and continue forward if they completely block their memories.
At unexpected times, triggering feelings or circumstances will bring partial memories to the surface. Interestingly, the most consistent and reliable memories tend to be the body memories from trauma. My personal experience involved triggers of fear, shame or panic for over 25 years before my memories began to form a cohesive whole. This cohesion was possible because of my willingness to feel the fear, shame and panic and see what was beyond that. Before leaning into the feelings to understand them, my initial response was to run at top speed in the opposite direction. As I leaned into my feelings with an open heart and an open mind and listened to my body and the things she remembered, I was able to reclaim the truth of my experience one puzzle piece at a time.
What is the point of leaning in to the memory to understand truth? I believe that seeing the whole truth and validating the experience my body and brain remembered was essential to my trauma healing. When I chose not to ignore and tolerate triggering panic I was led to true peaceful wholeness. The healing that comes from being whole within myself. This wholeness empowers me to live in truth with an open heart. Holding no fear, shame or panic. This my friends is what trauma work is all about.
Book Review: “Where There's Hope: Healing, Moving Forward and Never Giving Up”
/I love to read.
As a little girl, I loved to curl up with a good book and disappear into a storyline. That still holds true today. In fact, I typically read two to three books a week. I will admit that I read a lot more fiction than non fiction. A non fiction book needs to be really well written and interesting to keep my attention.
When I picked up this book written by Elizabeth Smart, I was suprised to find that I looked forward to picking it back up throughout the day.
In the book, Elizabeth interviews a wide variety of people that have been through very challenging circumstances. She asks each of them a variety of questions about finding hope, moving on after tragedy and forgiveness. She weaves her own thoughts and experiences throughout so that it almost feels like you are having a conversation with her about these interviews.
I found it compelling, practical and uplifting. I took three pages of notes because there were a lot of concepts that I wanted to ponder more. The content is appropriate for teens and adults and would be interesting to many people. But particularly helpful to those striving to find hope in difficult times.
Some little tidbits from my notes:
“Hope is a belief that there is going to be a better way. A process to rebuild my life and my strength.”
“It doesn’t matter what our current struggle is so much as it matters what we do about it.”
“Be fully engaged in a project that makes a difference.”
“The fact that a trauma victim is standing before you validates how much they did to survive.”
“When you are struggling, only allow people in your life that make you feel comfortable.”
“Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past.”
“How will I integrate what has happened into who I choose to become?”,
Favorite Quote of All Time
/“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious”
This quote hangs in a GIANT frame in my house.
Side note: When I first added this to our living room, my husband asked me if I know who Vince Lombardi is… Of course I know who Vince Lombardi is. He’s a football guy. A coach right?
Anyway, my inspiration is not that I love football and dedicate a wall in my house to one of it’s coaches. Simply put, this message speaks to me. Right to my very soul. The most important things in my life have required considerable focus and determination. We all experience struggle and moments when we aren’t sure if we are going to stay afloat or figure out what lies before us.
This applies to parenting: the ultimate marathon. But also to a variety of other challenges custom-made to take us the edge of our ability. And this my friends is where magic and change happen. When we are right at the edge of what we can do, then we learn something about ourselves. We learn that we are stronger, braver and more capable than we ever imagined. We become better than we thought we were. Closer to our true selves.
It may not look pretty, but minute by hard earned minute we get through the tough obstacles in our lives. When we look back, we see what we have accomplished and lived through. Success feels a little like that. To push through when you are exhausted. To try again tomorrow. To show up and put your heart on the line and do the work until the job is done.
This, my friends, is why the “football” quote has earned space in my home. Wherever your field of battle lies, keep fighting. You got this.